red river rivalry: time to get nasty


9:06  Ladies and Gentlemen we are off and running this morning.  Becks is decked out head to toe in Crimson Cream and already getting fired up.  I must say he seems a little bit subdued compared to years past.  I think its the hard partying from last night but I have a feeling it will get rowdy upon the first sighting of Colt Mcoy.  Sitting in on the action today is Doug Becker, Justin’s dad, and me.  Should be fun.

9:11  First play from Scrimmage and its first down OU.  It looks like the beast has awoken.

9:12  Sam almost gets sacked and we get our first Fuck You Texas of the day.  I am excited.

9: 13 DeMarco Murray is just breaking tackles left and right and busts out a 65 yard run and Becks is jumping up and down and screaming like a school girl.

9:15  I am nervous here after a failed 3rd down attempt.

9:15 Today’s first attempt by doug to calm him down goes wrong when doug says 3 is ok.  After his fellow Alumnnus of Heritage Hall almost misses a field goal,l becks says…” Jimmie if you miss another kick I am going to drive to your house and rape your mother”.  I like the way we are heading today.  Should now be a good time to bring up that he used to date his sister?

9:19 Great minds must think alike as Becks and I both start our respective games with requsests to some unknown higher power to break the other Qb’s knees.

9:20 Late hit by Oklahoma and chants of “thats bullshit” have started.  Looks to me to not be a late hit.

9: 21  FUMBLE…Austin English destroys colt..”Kill that white trash piece of shit”

9: 22 “Score a touchdown, be men”

9: 22.  Bradford just gets pile driven into the ground and it looks like the same shoulder.  Not much to say here except bring on the Stache.

9:24  First sign of the pessismest has arrived…”Well there goes the ballgame. It’s over”.  Keep in mind there is over 57 minutes still left in the game.

9: 25 Now Becker is taking it out on Howie Long and his Chevy Silverados, “Fuck you Howie Long I hope you Die”

9: 29 Texas has a running back that’s parents must have been huge muppets fans to name there kid Fozzy. That’s right Fozzy.  Do you think his sister is named miss Piggy?  I wish it was.  Btw, Fozzy Bear is my favorite character in muppets history.  Him or the Swedish Chef.

9:31 A tease that Bradford may be back but hey its good for us cause we get more Stache.

9:33 Becker must have eagle eyes as he is screaming for a facemask that know one sees but him.

9: 38 I just realized going to this game might be the best day ever.  You get football, state fair food and state fair rides.  What’s not to love?

9:39 Two Beckers saying “Holding” at the same time.  Followed by them saying Jinx

9:40 “hey Shipley, I hope you get AIDS and die”

9:40 This is the longest quarter ever

9:42 Now Doug is getting in the mix.  Both son and father have told Brent Musberger to fuck off.  Now this is father and son bonding.

9:44 “Colt McCoy is garbage. Hey Colt I have a colt and if you were here I would shoot you in the face.”

9:45 “Football Jesus you get that mustache faggot to throw a touchdown”

9: 46 I have noticed a lot of Wal Mart jerseys in the crowd today.  I can’t say I am shocked.

9:50 Becks just compared Landry Jones to Jonathan Crompton and not cause of their dueling Mustaches.  That might be the worse person in football to be compared too.  Thats like saying your investing style reminds me of Bernie Madoff’s.

9:51 “Mack Brown I would inject AIDS in my body just to fuck your daughters and make sure they died of AIDS”

9:53 Jimmy Stephens misses the field goal and now I guess his mother is getting raped.

9:57 After watching the Iowa vs. Wisconsin score update, all of us agree that Big 10 football is garbage.

9: 58 Doug just tells us BYU is his favorite football team.  Let it be know he has only seen them play once.  This gets Justin fired up and I like it.  Good move Doug.

10:01 I just realized that Bradford keeps getting hurt in Dallas, Tx.  If he makes the pro’s does he just ask not to play when they go into Jerry World?

10:21 Becks and I both agree the Texas “T” Sucks compared to the Tennessee “T”

10:22 OU’s Defense is looking unreal and pressuring Colt all day.  The bear has awoken from his slumber.

10: 30 Becks is screaming to give Colt a concussion.

10:34 Touchdown or touchback? Was he in? Nevermind…just a muff

10:45  Doug just called Brent Musberger the biggest faggot ever

10:47 Oklahoma fumbles on the monster return.  Becks is quiet.  My guess is this game has taken 1 month off of his life at this point.

10:53  Huge break for the Sooners.  becker responds with “Please god I dont ask for much…give us a touchdown”

10:54 How many reviews can one game have?

11:02 Finally the first half is over.  So far my analysis is that we got a sloppy rivalry game going on.  If you like defense, you will like this game.  Musberger just called Jesse Palmer “Smooth”.  I think he has a man crush and is jealous of his hair.  That brings up the question of the day, Do you think Jesse Palmer ever banged Erin Andrews when they were both at Florida?

11:42 Becks seems defeated.  Not much animation or gusto from him.  I think all those missed opportunities are catching up to him.

11:45  A big tackle wakes up the beast a little.  If the D bows there back here we could be good.  As I type this its pass interference on the Sooners.  Tough Call but he doesn’t really turn around.

11:48 after texas scores..”Fuck you I want to hang you and your family.  I want to skullfuck your mom”

11:57 the beast is awake…Touchdown OU.  I haven’t seen hops off a couch like that in years.  Screaming and running everywhere…”That’s just Norman Speed”

12:02 Ryan Reynolds goes revers horns signs and Becker gets the most excited he has been all day.  Big D stand.

12:07 on McCoy…”God someone give him a concussion.  Hit him helmet to helmet.”  That’s the second call for a concussion today.  Maybe the third time is a charm.

12:10 “I love the game being there but the Cotton Bowl is the biggest piece of shit stadium”

12:12 Phoenix Coyotes commercial comes up and we can do is laugh at those pathetic fucks.

12:25 “Matt Clapp you tarzan looking mother fucker you better get a good block.”  He didn’t get the block and it was 4th down…Texas football at midfield.

12:29 Herbie just calls out the OU fans who want to call in post game shows and question Big Game Bob’s thoughts on going on 4th that it worked out.  Good call Herbie.  I hate those people.

12:34 A subdued Becker gives no reaction to the attempted throw away by the stache that got picked.  Still plenty of time to go in the game but as usual we are hearing…”that’s ballgame” from becks.

12:35 “I want to take a shotgun and put it down Musbergers throat and kill him”

12:36  Pick by OU…becks going crazy…Chants of Sooner Magic fill the air.  “Colt McCoy is a garbage qb who wont do shit in the NFL”

12:39 4th and less then a yard and they call timeout.  No confidence in the Stache.

12:41 Got the first down.  Great call Bob Stoops.

12:42 Side Note, Bob’s wife is one of the biggest sellers of Mary Kay cosmetics in the country

12:43 Pick by Texas..”Fuck my life”

12:46 ABC pans from downtown Dallas and on the way back you can see the worse seats in the stadium.  Becks and I both talk about sitting in shitty seats like that and how its more fun than not being at the game.  Some may disagree but dare I call them “fake” fans?

12:49 Biggest paly of the game.  First down Texas….GAME OVER.  Colts sticks the dagger on the qb dive.  Oklahoma deserved to win but to many turnovers and not converting redzone possesions into touchdowns hurt the sooners today.

12:51 Herbie is defending Bob Stoops and I would have to agree.

12:54 The game just changed to the USC game followed by “I picked a bad day to stop drinking”

Did you like this? Share it: